HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
wow bdsm is so cute
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
