So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
