you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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