Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
