i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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