I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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