Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
