you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
