I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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