What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
