I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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