see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
