Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
