Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
