So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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