I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
