Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
