That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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