dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
