WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
