I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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