I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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