i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
