I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
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Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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