On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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