Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
