His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
