that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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