i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You ruined the universe
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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