So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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