i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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