The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
