woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
