I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I deserve this hangover.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
