I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
