its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
