I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
