Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
