Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My life is pants optional.
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