508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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