He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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