They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
