Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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