I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
