Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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