got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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