But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
