It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Randomize
