Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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