Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
