I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
