I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
