I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
