Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
