I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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