So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
