Just cropdusted the office
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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