really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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