I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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