Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize