did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
